


Snapped?

by Zuzanny



Category: Tokyo Baylon, X-1999
Genre: Coz i hate the way Subaru's trauma was not dealt with in canon, M/M, Seishirou like messing with Subaru because he does, Subaru needs a Hug, Subaru thinks he's crazy, Ulternate dimension/realities, but sort of a fix it, not really a fix it
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-27
Updated: 2018-01-27
Packaged: 2019-03-09 22:48:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 10
Words: 12,938
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13491411
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zuzanny/pseuds/Zuzanny
Summary: Subaru WAS right in the middle of the Rainbow Bridge incident... then suddenly he's not. What is going on? Is he going mad?





	1. Chapter 1

11 October 2010

X-1999 and the characters from that show/manga do not belong to me. I am just borrowing them for a little while.

Snapped?

by Zuzanny

Chapter 1

*.*

The bridge was collapsing around him. But the roar of the wind, the moan of the buckling metal beams, and the crashing of once-bridge objects into the waves below were incredibly dull in his ears compared to the scream of his own heart. He knelt clutching Seishiru's blood stained body to himself, sobbing against the blood sodden chest, smearing his own face in the cooling liquid. He didn't hear the voices of the others as they called out to him. He didn't feel them tugging at his clothes and arms, trying to get him out of harms way. He didn't want to go anyway. His whole reason for existing was now dead by his hand. There was no-

Subaru's eyes snapped open with panic and he found himself standing on the footpath of a busy city street in the middle of a bright sunny day. School girls chattered away, giggling to themselves as they walked past in their cliques and far too short uniforms. The traffic lights beeped away as people crossed the intersection. Somebody jostled him as they crossed and swore at him. Subaru stumbled and caught his balance, apologising profusely to the scruffy man, who then just vanished into the crowds. Subaru backed away from the cross walk until solid brick of a building was pressed against his back. There were people laughing. There were people smiling. The birds chirped and chased each other around as they scavenged for scraps.

Subaru blinked hard again, opening his eyes slowly, only to find the world around him unchanged. Nobody payed him any mind, which should have been completely wrong considering the amount of blood he was covered with, right? Slowly he lowered his eyes and raised his hands, expecting to see blood coating his arms, and instead found the clean white sleeves of a business shirt equally clean white fingerless gloves. Slowly, ever so slowly, Subaru then turned his whole body around, looking for a window clean enough to see his reflection in, wondering if he had somehow been zapped into another person's body...

Subaru stared with horror at the reflection that greeted him

Two wide emerald green eyes from a face much smoother and younger than should be, under the dark hair styled just the way his sister liked.

Subaru screamed.

To be continued?


	2. Chapter 2

15/10/2010

Snapped?

By Zuzanny

 

part 2

The police and the ambulance came and took him away, although he was barely aware of it at the time. The police had literally sat on him while he screamed and screamed and screamed, while struggling against them in order to claw his own right eye out. Eventually the ambos had been able to jab him in the thigh with something, and the next thing he knew he was waking up with a pounding headache surrounded with bare white walls that were barely visible through the dim light. There was a funny taste in his mouth that made him frown, and he struggled to draw his thoughts together, wondering what horrible things he had been dreaming about, and where it was he had managed to find himself this time. He tried to wipe the crust from his eyes, only to discover that he couldn't raise his arms, that there was something holding them to his sides. He lifted his head slightly and saw the brown leather straps holding his arms and legs in place, but for the life of him couldn't quite figure out what they were or why they were there. So he continued to peer across himself, blinking, wondering how he could make both the straps and his head ache go away.

"Ah," A woman's voice sounded from the corner beside his bed and to the right. He turned his head to look. She was an older woman and wore the richly embroidered robes his Grandmother liked to wear so much. She looked so much like his Grandmother, that he wondered if she were a younger sister that no one had ever heard of before? But why would she be wearing his Grandmother's clothes? They were tailored especially for her, and he doubted she would let even a sister wear them. She rose from the seat gracefully and approached on silent feet, reaching out thin fingers to run them through his hair with affection. "Subaru," she cooed. "How are you feeling?"

He blinked up at her, and tried to gather his thoughts to decide how he felt. "My head hurts." He said. Then, "Why am I tied up? Have I been captured?" Suddenly flashes of memories jumped through his mind, and he shuddered, blinking back tears. "Have I been arrested for the bridge?"

She frowned down at him, her fingers pausing in their caress. "...Which bridge?"

He couldn't stop the grief welling up, as the images continued flashing. He couldn't stop the tears streaming down his cheeks. "Rainbow bridge." He choked out. "I killed him. It's all destroyed. I killed him!"

She continued her caress, and cautiously asked, "Subaru... who did you kill?"

"Seishirou!" He called out, then turned his face away from her as he began to sob. "He was supposed to kill me, but somehow I killed him instead! I can still feel his blood on my fingers!"

The woman in his Grandmother's clothes continued to stroke him, and whispered soothing sounds at him. "No one has died." she said, and he turned his shocked eyes back to her. "The bridge is intact, and your Mister Seishirou is out in the waiting room with your sister right now."

"What?" He shook his head. "Am I dead? Is that what has happened?"

"No." She breathed. "But you may have been close to it. We are still waiting for results, but the doctors think... maybe you have had some kind of stroke, or some kind of sudden chemical imbalance in you brain. Subaru, this is important. Do you remember taking anything-"

"No." He snapped at her, already understanding what she was referring to. Even at his lowest, he had been able to resist resorting to drugs. He narrowed his eyes at her with suspicion. "Who are you?"

She withdrew her hand like he was about to bite her. "Subaru," She whispered. "it's me. Your Grandmother."

He stared at her hard, taking in her appearance, and trying not to panic over possibilities, despite how fast his heart was suddenly pumping in his ears. Panic can be for later, he thought to himself. Right now, find out what is going on. Perhaps I have gone mad. Perhaps I have been in a coma. There are so many possibilities, I must not panic until I find out what is going on! "What date is it?" He asked cautiously.

She hesitated before saying, "How about you tell me what date you think it is first."

Fair enough, he decided, so he did. He was not expecting her expression to be one of complete disbelief when he did so though, and wondered just how screwed in the head he really must be for that reaction.

"Not... quite..." She replied, and told him a date that was a good five years prior to the one he had stated, which left HIM gaping in disbelief. "I think I will go tell the doctors you are awake now." She backed away from him to leave.

"Wait!" He called out, causing her to pause in the doorway. "Is Hokuto really still alive?"

"Of course she is." The woman said like he was stupid.

"Thank God." He flopped his head back and closed his eyes. "I don't mind being mad as long as she's alive."

to be continued?


	3. Chapter 3

29-10-2010

AUTHOR'S NOTE: This is obviously an AU. I'm playing with Subaru's past. And the past that isn't covered between the end of Tokyo Babylon and X1999. (There's lots of possibilities there!)

Snapped?

By Zuzanny

 

Part 3  
_*_  
Nursing Notes

Patient admitted to ward via A&E after being brought in by ambulance and police post collapse and possible sudden onset of hallucinations and delusions. Episode including attempt to self harm, scratching at his face and right eye. Patient had been secured chemically in the scene as per protocol. Obs stable as charted. Pupils equal and responsive to light. No sign of injury apart from the facial scratches. Patient's family deny knowledge of mental health issues or illicit drug use. Pathology attended. No abnormality or toxicity detected. ECG attended. CT attended. Mental health worker and doctor in attendance. No medical or surgical history. No known allergies. Facial scratches cleansed with normal saline. Scars noted on the back of both hands, possibly self inflicted? Restrained physically as per doctor's orders, awaiting return to consciousness...

_*_  
Subaru wrapped his arms around his drawn up knees and rested his cheek against his knees, eyeing the doctor who was seated across from him, with charts and papers resting on his lap.

"Well, Mister Sumeragi... May I call you Subaru? How are you feeling?" The doctor asked holding a pen ready to scribble on one of the charts.

Subaru bit his lip and shifted briefly, trying to decide if he should be honest with the doctor, or if his honesty would get him into more trouble than he already was in. He decided that he would tread carefully, but honestly, as he was never any good at lying. "I feel..." he closed his eyes, assessing himself and the sensations of his body. "... like I'm coming out of a drug cocktail that was used to forcefully sedate me."

The doctor blinked at him. "You have been sedated before?"

Subaru nodded his head against his knees, and picked at a few pieces of fluff he found there. "I've been kidnapped a few times." He replied. "On one of the last times, they drugged me, and kept me drugged for a while. It felt kind of like this."

The doctor was quiet for a few moments. "Did you receive any counselling afterwards?"

Subaru shrugged. "Grandmother didn't like the idea of the media getting wind of it." He didn't mention what else happened to those who had kidnapped him, or how he was rescued. He stopped himself from rubbing the back of his hands moments after he had already done so, and swallowed back the bile that had risen to the back of his throat. The doctor frowned and scratched down some notes.

"Were you hurt at all during the..." The doctor trailed off.

Again Subaru shrugged. "Not really. Can we talk about something else please?"

"Do you know why you are here?"

"Because either I have been transported to some kind of alternate reality, or I have gone mad. And since I know I can't really prove the difference, you are going to treat me like I am mad anyway."

The doctor leaned back in the chair for a few moments, simply observing Subaru for a few moments. "Tell me about it." The doctor finally said. At Subaru's expression of distrust, the doctor raised an eye brow. "Indulge me. We have found no physical cause for your... experience, so if you are unwell I need to know what I can do to help you."

"And what if I really am who I say I am and you treat me like I'm crazy anyway?"

"Tell me." The doctor gently insisted. "What were the last things you remembered before the ambulance arrived? Why did you scratch at your face? Why were you yelling? Your grandmother mentioned you said you had killed your lover and blown up a bridge, but that has not happened."

Subaru bit his lip, and was about to answer when what the doctor said actually registered. "Wait, WHAT! My LOVER! I don't have a lover! I've never even-!" Subaru's face went bright red, unable to even say the words. "How long has THAT been going on? And who? No wait. It can't be... Seishirou?" Subaru paled at the thought, wondering how sick the game Seishirou was playing really was, and if 'he' had ever suspected a thing. "I think I may vomit."

"I take it you don't remember that kind of a relationship?"

"No." Subaru said firmly. "He is an assassin who murdered my sister after he spent a year stalking and trying to seduce me. I then spent the next nine years or so tracking him in order to bring him to justice." Subaru took a slow, deep breath and closed his eyes. "War had just broken out a couple months ago and we were on opposing sides. I had just fought and killed him when I found myself standing in this different reality, five years in my past, and Hokuto still alive. So no. I may have loved him, but we had never been lovers."

The doctor stared for a few moments before clearing his throat. "So why did you scratch your face?"

"A week or so ago..." Subaru's eyes gleamed with remembered horror. "during a battle with Seishirou's... boss. He caught me and just for fun poked my eye out. It was not pleasant. I was told I would never see again. So here I am suddenly with both my eyes. I'm sorry if I found that to be unnerving and overreacted."

"W-was that when you were kidnapped and drugged?"

"No, THAT happened... earlier."

They talked for what seemed like hours after that, and when the doctor left, he still couldn't decide if he had witnessed a case of an acute schizophrenic delusion... or the possibility that Subaru was telling the truth. How ever, he didn't think he would look at that Mister Sakurazuka the same way ever again.

To be continued...


	4. Chapter 4

29 oct 2010 to 26 jan 2011

Snapped

by Zuzanny

 

Part 4

The door burst open (making Subaru automatically fall into a defensive stance and reach for cards that were not there), and in bounced Hokuto like she owned the place. She was dressed in a lolita style dress of fluorescent orange that made Subaru's eyes hurt and barely covered her backside. It was absolutely covered in bows. She also wore black thigh-high stockings and elbow length gloves, as well as matching orange platform stilettos that had Subaru wincing at the potential injuries sustainable were she to fall from them. But Hokuto being Hokuto, she flounced around the room in them like that was what she was born in.

"SUBARU!" She cheered and practically strangled him when she jumped on top of him to hug him. "I was so worried! We had thought maybe you had finally worked yourself into a stroke or something. What happened to you? Are you feeling better now? Grandmother told us you were a bit confused."

Subaru breathed deeply her scent of vanilla and cinnamon, rubbing his cheek against her silky black hair- still in the style he remembered of her but with the same colour orange bow pinned on the side. He gently returned the embrace with hesitant, shaky hands, almost afraid she would turn to smoke and vanish if he were to actually touch her.

"Hokuto," His voice caught in his throat as he breathed out her name. "You're alive!" Then he was the one clinging to her while she protested and questioned and he sobbed into her shoulder. "I'm so sorry!"

Eventually she was able to pull out of his hold some. "Of course I'm alive." She said as though there was no possible question otherwise. "You must have had one horrible nightmare to be thinking someone as Adorable and Wonderful as I am could have died."

Subaru found himself laughing at that while Hokuto smiled and wiped his tears from his face. "There now," She almost scolded him. "No need to cry. It wasn't as bad as you thought it was, right?" He found himself nodding like a child. "Besides," Hokuto leaned back (and Subaru thought she may have been considering finding a handkerchief to lick for his face now). "your Mister Seishirou is here. That should cheer you up."

All warmth Subaru had been feeling at her presence instantly bled out of him and was replaced by ice in his bones. "Why does everyone keep saying that?"

"Saying what?"

"MY Mister Seishirou. Like I own him. Like he's property of mine. You know that's not true." Subaru almost added that it was the other way around, but Hokuto just gave him the oddest look and then pressed her palm against his forehead.

"No fever," She murmured. Subaru slapped her hand away with irritation which made her frown deepen. "What's gotten into you?" She hissed.

"I'm serious! Why does everyone keep telling me Seishirou-san and I are..." He blushed red and had to look away from her. "Together?"

"Because we are." Came the deeper voice that Subaru both loved and loathed, sliding over his skin and making his heart beat faster.

Seishirou stood just inside the door, both his golden-brown eyes glinting from under his wire frames. He was holding a bundle of brightly coloured flowers wrapped in tissue wrap.

"Seishirou-san." Subaru breathed, and Seishirou inclined his head and stepped into the room and up to Subaru.

"Hello Subaru. I thought we were WELL past formalities."

Subaru's blush deepened, and although he desperately wanted to, he found he couldn't take his eyes away from the older man's.

"Maybe he hit his head, or something." Hokuto said to Seishirou, like Subaru wasn't even there. "He's been acting funny. It almost is like he has lost his memory."

Seishirou's eyes had not once left Subaru's face, and he now inclined one eye brow and said "Oh?" in a manner that was speculative and... Subaru wasn't sure if he should be blushing harder, or backing away with terror.

"I've not lost my memory." Subaru blurted out, then found himself lowering his gaze meekly, much to his own confusion and frustration.

"Oh?" Seishirou leaned in so close to Subaru that Subaru had to lean back or taste the air the man breathed. "What did we have for breakfast yesterday?"

"None of your business!" Subaru snapped automatically just as he had over the last nine or so years when ever anyone who thought they had the right to impose upon him got too nosy. Sometimes he found it wouldn't make them back off the way he wanted, but most people did... at least after a while.

Both Seishirou and Hokuo exchanged shocked looks, then Hokuto said "I-I think I will give you two some privacy." and virtually ran from the room. Probably to get a doctor. Subaru thought darkly before he turned his attention back to the man in the room who looked so much like His Seishirou, and just watched him. Subaru wondered if this man would be like the Seishirou from his teen aged years, or the later 1999 event one? He had already noticed that this one still had both his eyes, and they were equally movable, so he had never lost one to begin with. Maybe that was where the main change began? And that cigarette scent that had always clung to His Seishirou's clothes was absent. Subaru wondered how that happened, or if this one was just more inclined to hide it? Perhaps this one was still playing that game, still trying to seduce him... Although from all the talk he had already been successful in that regard. There was no underlying scent of blood either. Subaru had always passed it off as animal blood from surgeries. But he had later realised that that just showed his ignorance as surgeons always wore gloves and protective clothing.

"Let me see your fingers." Subaru demanded abruptly. Seishirou froze, tensing and tilting his head slightly to the side like a bird of prey.

"Why?" Seishirou asked. Subaru raised his own eye brow, set his jaw, and waited. Seishirou stared a few moments before rolling his eyes and extending his hands out. Subaru grabbed both hands and peered closely at the finger tips, grasping each finger one after the other and examining them closely for any sign of blood under the nails. "Satisfied?" Seishirou's voice was a warm rumble of amusement mixed with curiosity. "Found what you were looking for?"

Subaru dropped the very warm hands after he gave them a sniff. "Almost." Subaru interrupted what he knew would be a comment full of innuendo about just where those fingers had been. "I just have one question, and I want you to answer honestly."

Seishirou waited with an amused twitch to his mouth.

"Are you still the Sakurazakimori?"

The instant paling of Seishirou's face was all the answer Subaru needed.

To be continued...


	5. Chapter 5

27/01/2011

Short chapter, I know, but too bad. This one was really hard to write, it could have gone in so many different directions.

Snapped?

By Zuzanny

part 5

Seishirou's face was pale, the smile wiped off at Subaru's question. Of course he tried to hide it by coughing behind his hand and plastering his fake one into place, but Subaru was aware of what those fake smiles looked like now so he wasn't going to let this one distract him from the truth.

"What makes you ask that?" Seishirou tried to sound innocent.

Subaru decided to indulge. It wasn't everyday he had his tormentor within his space and... possibly willing to talk. "Let's say I HAVE lost my memory. Answer the question. Truthfully."

That hateful, sly smile turned up Seishirou's lips now, pulling up the corners of his mouth and making his golden eyes gleam. "Of course I am." He purred. "What are you going to do about it?"

Subaru tilted his head to the side, trying to decide. But he found he really was too tired to care right now. "You told me," He murmured. "After that woman slashed your eye out."

Seishirou blinked, a puzzled expression replacing his predator mask. "...What?"

"I know," Subaru waved his hand dismissively. "It didn't happen at this time. So. Tell me. Does this-" He waved his hand between the two of them. "mean that I won the bet? Or are you still messing with my head for fun?"

Seishirou crossed his arms over his chest, leaned against the wall and frowned down at his shoes. Subaru sat on the edge of the bed and waited. "I didn't think you remembered." He said quietly.

"I didn't. Not really. I don't know about your Subaru, but... even though I saw some of the signs I just didn't want to put them all together. The ironic thing is that it didn't actually matter to me when you told me. It was what you did to me afterwards..." Subaru broke off and shook his head, not wanting to relive the pain he always felt when he remembered it. He missed the way Seishirou's brows crinkled that the mention of "Your Subaru". But that was quickly gone when Subaru said "Tell me how we first met," He raised his hands towards Seishirou. "When you first gave me these."

So Seishirou did. And it was the same as what Subaru remembered, but still he listened quietly as Seishirou told of the little girl and the Sakura , and his decision to be-spell the little boy who stumbled upon the death mound.

"How about when we met again? Was that in the subway?"

Seishirou inclined his head yes. "You were chasing my shikigami." He smirked while remembering. "You weren't looking where you were going and fell over. You sprained you ankle in the fall. I... You had no idea who I was, but I knew you."

Subaru snorted. "Of course you did." He looked at the scars on his hands.

Seishirou just blinked neither confirming or denying. "Hokuto was delighted when I helped you home. Teased you something shocking."

"I bet." Subaru refused to allow himself to smile as he thought about how innocent and naïve he had been back then.

"I bandaged your ankle and looked into your eyes." Seishirou sat on the edge of the bed next to Subaru, and looked into his eyes, reaching out one hand to tuck some hair behind Subaru's ear, then caress his cheek. "And I knew right then that you had won. You had no idea who I was, or WHAT I was, but that didn't matter. I just knew I had to stay with you." He started leaning his head closer.

"What are you doing?" Subaru whispered, his heart starting to pound, but refusing to show weakness by leaning away. Seishirou brought his other hand up so both sides of Subaru's face were being held.

"What do you think I'm doing?" Seishirou murmured against his mouth.

/He's going to break my neck!/ Subaru though with panic, and grabbed both the wrists, even as Seishirou was leaning, leaning, leaning and Subaru had to lean back to escape and ended up flat on his back. This time it was different. /I don't want to die!/ Subaru realised with a chill running down his spine. /I wonder how long it will take? Will it be instant, or will it take several minutes of agony while my brain dies? Why aren't I dead yet? Why... are his lips warm and soft, and his tongue...?!/ And his thoughts scattered for several moments until Seishirou released him and sat up again, looking very pleased with himself.

Subaru stared up at him with wide eyes, one hand pressed to his tingling lips, trying to understand what had just happened and why he was still alive.

"You are so adorable." Seishirou smiled down at him fondly.

Subaru blinked up at him. "Why are my lips tingling? Did you poison me?"

Seishirou stroked more hair from Subaru's face. "You don't usually complain about the way I kiss you."

"Kiss? Oh." Subaru tried to get his brain around that. Apparently here Seishirou would kiss him. And he would like it. "My first kiss." He said, still with his had over his mouth.

"Did you not like it, Subaru?" Seishirou was just teasing, Subaru could tell from his tone, but... Did he?

"I, um, um?"

"How about I try again so you can be sure." Seishirou leaned in to kiss him again.

This time Subaru was prepared to Not Be Murdered, and so found himself pressing up against the force that was Seishirou, clinging to him as the older man seemed to try and devour him. Seishirou's tongue in his mouth made him want to pull back, it's slickness was strange, and not necessarily pleasant. But Seishirou pinned him and chased him and overpowered him, so that Subaru was panting by the time Seishirou pulled back to grin down at him. Seishirou ran one hand up the inside of Subaru's thigh which made him buck and cry out in shock.

"Yes," Seishirou licked his glistening lips. "I'd say you liked it. Do you want to see what other things you like?"

tbc...


	6. Chapter 6

09/05/11- 29/05/11

Many thanks to MATT for helping me with this chapter.

Snapped

by Zuzanny

 

part 6

Subaru found himself flat on his back on the bed with his legs hanging down so his feet touched the floor, and gasping for air while Seishirou pressed him down with his body, one leg pressed very snugly between his thighs. Subaru's thoughts scattered in a sort of hysteria that stemmed from disbelief. It was incomprehensible to him that Seishirou would actually do such a thing, To HIM of all people? His Seishirou had teased him all the time during That Year, but he had never actually... actually... KISSED him let alone anything else!

/That's because he's not YOUR Seishirou./ The thought poured a bucket of ice water over his head which helped him back to coherency. Subaru grabbed Seishirou's wrist firmly to stop that hand from wandering anywhere else it shouldn't, and pushed against Seishirou's chest with his other elbow in an attempt to put some space between their bodies. Subaru turned his head to the side and gasped out "Stop!"

Seishirou had always been far stronger, so Subaru's pushing against him only made the man pause and raise one eyebrow in a questioning- if very smug- manner.

"I said stop!" Subaru managed in a firmer voice, trying to wriggle out from Seishirou's hold. "How could you DO this?"

Seishirou leaned in close again while Subaru arched away as much as he could. "Well, that's easy. I put my lips on-"

"I meant to your Subaru? You just gave me this spiel about your feelings for him and then you stick your tongue in my mouth? Why?"

"I would have thought that was obvious."

"I'm not your SUBARU!" He ground out, pushing with both hands against Seishirou's broad chest. "In fact I am horrified that you care so little about your Subaru's feelings that you would even try that with me!"

Seishirou blinked, but licked his lips suggestively. "You are a bit more... prickly than normal, but you will always be MY Subaru." His golden eyes glinted with possessiveness.

"Get out!" Subaru hissed with sudden anger that leant him strength to shove Seishirou hard enough to make him stumble back a few paces before gaining his balance. Seishirou was actually surprised by this strength as well as the unusual tone of voice and took a step towards Subaru again.

"You're so cute when you are angry."

"GET OUT!" Subaru actually yelled, which brought Hokuto and a nurse running.

"Subaru?" Hokuto questioned from the door way. Subaru ignored her in favor of grabbing and throwing a pillow at Seishirou as hard as he could. Seishirou deflected the pillow with ease that spoke of great skill.

"Leave me alone you... Two timer!" Subaru yelled some more.

Eyes swung to Seishirou who shook his head, feigning innocence. "I'll come back later." He said before adjusting his suit and walking out.

Hokuto waited a few minutes while the nurse started taking Subaru's vital signs before she actually crossed her arms and turned to look at her brother who was seated on the edge of the bed with measuring equipment wrapped around one arm. "What was all that about?"

"He KISSED me!" Subaru shrieked with indignity, like it was obvious. The nurse tried very hard not to look shocked while doing her thing. Hokuto just raised an eye brow in a manner that told Subaru she spent far too much time around Seishirou.

"So?" She asked. "He does that all the time." So casually said.

"Not to me, he doesn't." Subaru growled.

Hokuto frowned and stepped closer, reaching out to touch him, but Subaru swatted the nurse's hands and equipment away and darted out of Hokuto's reach. "Subaru?" Hokuto questioned with increasing concern as she watched him wrap his arms around himself protectively and back into a corner, where he slid down against the wall.

"How can you be so supportive of him?" Subaru's voice cracked when he asked her. "You know what he is. You always knew, and then you let him kill you."

Hokuto exchanged glances with the nurse.

"Mister Sumeragi," The nurse began. "you do know your sister is alive, right?"

Subaru swung his head to glare at the nurse. "I'm not stupid." He snapped at her. "This Hokuto is not my sister, just like I am not her brother."

"Subaru-" Hokuto once again reached out her hand towards him.

"Who are you then?" The nurse asked.

Subaru snorted, then grinned in a feral, distinctly non-Subaru way. "Mad, of course."

"Oh my God!" Hokuto covered her mouth with both hands. "He's possessed!"

Subaru burst into a manic giggle. "Wouldn't THAT be ironic. A medium who's possessed. And I'm possessing myself! Hey, I wonder where this body's Subaru could be? It's awfully quiet in here with just me talking."

"I'm getting Grandmother." Hokuto announced as she fled the room.

"I'm getting the doctor." The nurse followed her.

"COWARDS!" Subaru yelled after them. The more quietly said "And you still didn't answer my question." He almost threw another pillow at the direction of the door when it occurred to him that the door was actually unlocked and ajar. Slowly, cautiously, he climbed to his feet and padded on bare feet over to the door. He peered through the gap between the door and the frame and saw the curved nurses station outside his room with a few nurses seated and concentrating on writing their notes. A receptionist was also busy talking on the phone and taking messages.

Subaru slowly slid the door open and poked his head out to look both ways down the hallway. To the left he saw the exit sign from further down the hall, and to the right more rooms. He looked back at the nurses at the desk, then both ways down the hall again. No one was there to see him.

Subaru smiled, straightened his posture, and very casually walked down the hall towards the exit.

Tbc...


	7. Chapter 7

20/06/2011-29/07/2011

Tokyo Babylon/X-1999 don't belong to me. I am just borrowing their characters for a while to play with.

Snapped?

By Zuzanny

 

part 7

Subaru kept walking barefoot down the cold, pea-green, lino covered hallway, expecting to be stopped and questioned at any moment. But he wasn't. He passed a few people carrying bouquets of flowers heading in the opposite direction to him, nodding to each other in passing.

No one even questioned his lack of shoes.

Even without rushing, it took less than a minute before Subaru was exiting through the automatic doors and outside, and down the cement steps leading towards the car park. At the base of the steps he did pause briefly, just in case someone did suddenly decide to question him, but even then no one did. So he shrugged and casually wandered over to the bus stop, where there were a bunch of patients smoking while sitting in their wheel chairs or standing beside their running IV poles. Some of them even had oxygen tanks running at the time, which made Subaru's eye brow rise briefly. He slipped his hands into his flimsy hospital pajama pockets and leaned back against the edge of the bus shelter, enjoying the feel of the sunlight streaming down his face, and inhaling the smoke gathering there. He considered asking for a smoke, but the brand he liked was not one being consumed there, so with a sigh he casually turned away and continued to walk away from the hospital.

As he walked, he closed his eyes, enjoying the sun on his skin and listening to the passing cars and the kids in a nearby school as they laughed and played. He opened his eyes again as he reached a street corner, and paused, trying to decide which direction to take- considering how long it had been since he had actually walked around the city (or how different this version of this city would be).

It really should not have been much of a surprise then that he soon found himself in The Park standing before the great twisted trunk of The Tree he had first met Seishirou under all those years before. It's wide reaching and dangling branches were filled with pink blossoms, unlike the others it shared the park space with. Not for the first time Subaru snorted to himself as he pondered why so few people were more than fleetingly curious as to why This tree had pink blossoms all year round while none of the others around it did... But then... people were like that with everything really.

Subaru closed his eyes while he stood with tips of cherry blossoms dangling about his shoulders, and listened to the sounds of the branches being shifted in the slight breeze, inhaling the scent of those blossoms, and trying to reach out with his other senses...

Trying...

Trying...

Trying...

But it was still too soon.

"I thought I'd find you here." Seishirou's gentle rumble from behind him made Subaru spin with fright. But that only lasted a second. Subaru found it strange in a sort of unattached way that the fear of Seishirou didn't seem to last very long at all. Seishirou stood on the grass about half way between the pathway and the tree, hand in the pockets of his long grey jacket, amused turn to his lips. "Not trying to purify the tree again, I hope."

"No," Subaru said whistfully, turning back to look up into the tree's branches. Seishirou's clothed gently swished while he walked up to stand behind Subaru. "I can't even feel her anyway. The drugs haven't worn off yet."

"Drugs?" There was a strange tone to Seishirou's voice that made Subaru turn his head back over his shoulder to look up at the man.

"Yes," He answered. "from the hospital. They always make me feel... fuzzy."

Seishirou snorted. "And here Hokuto was running around telling everyone you were possessed."

Subaru's mouth also twitched slightly with that, but he said nothing, instead looking back up into the tree's branches as though the answers to all life's questions could be found there.

He was startled when Seishirou's arms wrapped solidly around his own chest and arms, and drew him snugly against Seishirou's body. "Seishirou-san!" Subaru gasped out his complaint and started to pull away.

"Shhhh..." Seishirou breathed into Subaru's ear- which had Subaur's hair standing on end- and held on tighter. "Relax," Seishirou continued, caressing Subaru's ear with his mouth. "I'm not going to hurt you. Trust me."

That was perhaps not the best thing to have said. Subaru stopped trying to pull away, but instead stood rigid and tense, trembling even. "How can I trust you after all you've done to me?" His voice crackled with emotion.

Seishirou settled his chin on Subaru's shoulder. "Tell me what I have done. No, don't pull away from me. TELL ME."

Subaru didn't even know where to begin. "What haven't you done to me?"

"I can think of a few things." Seishirou's voice purred, dripping with sweet, sweet poison. "I can think of quite a few things I have not done to you. So, tell me what I HAVE done to you that would make you so angry with me."

"I... It's not fair!" Subaru's thoughts swirled around in his head, memories mixing. "There is just so much! I hate all the lies. I thought..." He tried to gather his thoughts together. "I don't understand why you did it all. I just don't understand!"

"What did I do?" Seishirou prodded again.

"Why did you have to lie? Why did you... tear my heart out like you did? You spent a year telling me you loved me, and I believed you, I really did! I even realised that I wanted to love you too, but then suddenly I was nothing to you and you killed Hokuto so easily. We were nothing to you. I was nothing to you, just a THING to play with for a while until you got bored. Then after all these years of you being gone from my life you come back only to kill yourself instead of me, and tell me you really loved me all along! What the HELL? All these years I blamed myself for Hokuto's death, and how I obviously was so worthless that even my family wished I had died instead, because she would have NEVER fallen so easily in love with an evil psychopath and shamed The Family the way I have... For what? To find out Hokuto really commit suicide that night to cast a spell on you so you could commit suicide on my hand? If you really loved me, why did you do all those things? What did I do you make you want to ruin my life like that? It's not fair! It's... a waste! It's a waste and I hate it! I want to hate you but I can't. Why can't I hate you like I want to?" Subaru yelled the last into the air, panting heavily afterwards.

Seishirou was quite for some moments before he spoke. "You did nothing wrong." His voice was low, a gentle growl. "You didn't deserve to be treated like that." He hugged tighter. "I... I want to kill the bastard who did this to you." It was a dangerous hiss.

"I can still feel your blood on my hand." Subaru said too calmly. "It doesn't matter how much I wash or scrub..." He lifted his arms up at the elbow to stare at this ungloved fingers.

Seishirou suddenly tensed. "What?"

"I can still feel your... heart... as my hand went through you. Beating. Beating. I had no idea people could be so warm... on the inside..." And it was like all the strength had been sucked out of him as Subaru curled over and started to sob loudly. Seishirou gently lowered them both to the ground. Subaru covered his face in his hands and sobbed and sobbed and shook in Seishirou's arms while Seishirou gently rocked him and cooed into his ear.

"Death is too good for that bastard." Seishirou muttered to himself, thinking about possible scenarios and the ramifications. Then he suddenly turned Subaru to face him, pulling the hands away from the tear stained face. "Did you want to kill him, er, me?" He asked urgently, peering deep into Subaru's reddened eyes.

"NO!" Subaru jirked like he had been struck across the face.

"Did you initiate the killing strike?"

Subaru shook his head in confusion and again started to pull away. "I don't see why-"

"This is important!" Seishirou gave him a bit of a shake to keep his attention. "Did you at any time actively try and kill me?"

"Of course not!" Subaru snapped. "You were the one supposed to kill ME! That's what I wanted! That's what I expected." Seishirou felt like ice had just been tossed down his back at the thought of an apparently suicidal Subaru. "It was only Hokuto's stupid spell that stopped you from killing me." Subaru continued. "It swapped our positions, or something, so you ended up dead instead!"

Seishirou lowered his head to press against Subaru's forehead with his own and sighed with relief.

"I don't think I could kill you even if I wanted to." Subaru added gently, leaning into the forehead touch.

"You wouldn't be Subaru otherwise." They spent a few heart beats with their heads pressed together before Seishirou pulled away and stood, pulling Subaru to his feet. "Come over here." He dragged Subaru closer to The Tree so they were right next to the the trunk. "My mother once told me that the Sakurazakimori were cursed. We are killed by those we love the most, and then they are cursed to become the next Sakurazakimori."

Subaru's eyes widened with horror stared back at his hands before he looked back into Seishirou's eyes.

"Yesss..." Seishirou said seriously, slowly nodding his head. But then he raised his voice as though he was talking to a crowd of people. "However! I have always maintained that this curse will end with me as I can not possibly love you more than I love myself!" Subaru was obviously very confused by the expression on his face, but Seishirou continued speaking loudly. "And as I AM The Sakurazakimori, I declare that this other Seishirou is obviously the same, and by choosing to commit suicide he has continued to pass this mantle onto himself!"

There was a loud rumbling sound in the air, like thunder, but looking around Subaru saw that the sky was completely blue, there were not even any clouds. He was so absorbed in searching for the source of the sound that he almost missed it when Seishirou pulled him back into a tight hug.

"Why are you hugging me?" Subaru squeaked, not sure if he should like it or not.

"Because you deserve to be held." Seishirou was breathing into his neck, sending that tingling feeling all over Subaru's body again. "You deserve to be loved. What That Bastard did to you was absolutely cruel. And... I'm sorry. I am SO very sorry any of it happened to you."

"You believe me?" Subaru squeaked again. "I thought... I'm mad, aren't I? That's what everyone thinks, right? I must be mad?"

Seishirou pulled back to gaze fondly down into Subaru's green eyes. "Subaru, I knew from the moment I stepped into the hospital room that you were telling the truth."

"How?"

Seishirou gave him a lecherous grin that had Subaru simultaneously wanting to run and hide and flushing from head to toe. Seishirou slowly leaned in to whisper into his ear, "Because there is no possibility that MY Subaru is in any way, a VIRGIN."

TBC...


	8. Chapter 8

13/08/2011- 23/11/2011

Tokyo Babylon & X-1999 don't belong to me. I am just playing with a few of the characters for a while. I may even give them back later if I'm asked nicely. ;p

Snapped?

by Zuzanny

 

part 8

Seishirou stepped out of the ensuit bathroom back into the bedroom, still towelling off his wet hair as he walked to the side of the bed and gazed fondly down at Subaru's sleeping form. Subaru was curled up on his right side with a pillow hugged to his chest, one hand clutching the sheets near to his mouth, soft breaths barely audible. Seishirou then sat on the side of the bed, careful not to disturb Subaru, and remembered the surprised pleasure-filled noises that came from that mouth earlier, and the feel of Subaru's skin under his fingers. Now, Subaru's dark locks fell messily about his head in a manner that Seishirou knew Subaru would be highly embarrassed about if he were to see (another) picture of later. Seishirou smiled gently, pulled his white terry-cloth dressing gown tighter about himself, and reached out to brush one of those dark locks away from Subaru's face. He noted the hair was still slightly damp, and by the state of it would be a pain to get tangles out of later. Very amusing.

Seishirou was about to sweep more hair away from Subaru's face where there came a loud, insistent banging from the front door. Seishirou growled deep in his throat then rolled to his feet, only just having enough presence of mind to gently close the bedroom door behind him as he stormed barefoot to the front door, silently cursing who ever it was that continued to bang away at the wood and disturb the peace.

"I know you're in there!" Hokuto's angry voice filtered through. "So open up!"

Seishirou groaned to himself, fixed a false smile firmly to his face, and yanked the door open mid knock. Hokuto was now wearing a hot pink vinyl thing that sort of resembled a tutu and an "adult" fairy costume. She had matching knee high boots, elbow length gloves, and a tiny hat on her head, with white wings sprouting from her back. All in vinyl. Seishirou blinked and almost completely missed the angry scowl on her face.

"Well, hello." He drawled. "What do we owe the pleasure?"

Hokuto shoved past him into the apartment. "Don't give me that shit." She snapped. "Where's Subaru? Everyone's looking for him since he broke out of the hospital. I know you have him here. What have you done with him?" Seishirou calmly closed the door and turned to face her, saying nothing, just raising one eye brow and smirking. Hokuto stared at him with horror, taking in the fact that he was only wearing a dressing gown, and that his hair was damp and messy. "You HAVEN'T!" She almost shrieked.

Seishirou merely blinked, and looked very smug. "My dear Hokuto, I'm sure I have no idea what you mean. But I would appreciate you lowering your voice. Subaru is currently sleeping. He's had a... very busy morning and needs his rest."

"I bet he has!" She hissed, eyes darting to the closed bedroom door then back to Seishirou. She then stepped right up to Seishirou, standing up on her tiptoes to try and get into his face. "Listen hear buster," She jabbed a finger hard to his chest. "Don't you DARE hurt my brother by playing this stupid game. When he finds out what you have done-"

"What have I done exactly, HMMM?"

"What do you THINK?"

Seishirou crossed his arms over his chest, still smirking. "You know a gentleman never kisses and tells. Even if you are my sister-in-law."

"I mean it! Don't you dare do anything that will hurt my brother."

"Hokuto, I have never done anything to your brother that he hasn't thoroughly enjoyed."

Hokuto blinked, a blush tingeing her cheeks before she was able to get her mind back from the wandering it had done for a few moments. She pointed to the closed bedroom door. "That's not my brother!"

If anything, Seishirou's smugness and amusement grew. He lowered his eye lids lazily and purred out. "Oh, I KNOW."

_*_  
Subaru felt like he was floating, he was so warm and comfortable. He smiled as he remembered the feel of Seishirou's fingers touching him, hands sliding over his skin, so gently at times and so firm at others, running over areas he had no idea could feel that way. He had no idea something like that could feel so good. Seishirou really DID know his body, knew exactly where to touch, knew what to do for him. That thought made Subaru feel warm inside. He really didn't want to move, didn't want to be awake. He almost drifted off again, the blankets and pillows cushioned him and felt so soft against his skin (all the areas Seishirou's fingers had traced seemed extra sensitive now), but the sound of angry voices broke through his thoughts and made Subaru open his eyes. He strained his ears to listen, realising he recognised both voices. Seishirou and...

"Hokuto."

_*_  
"That's not Subaru in there!"

"Yes he is."

"No it's not!"

"If he's not Subaru, who is he?"

"I don't know... but it's NOT my brother!"

"Ahhhh,"

"What are you arguing about?" Subaru asked his two most loved persons in the whole world, who were standing in the middle of the room, facing each other, Hokuto looking really aggressive even with that... pink... winged... thing on... and Seishirou just looking like he was about bust a gut from the effort it took not to laugh at her. They both swung their heads to look at him.

"How's your head?" Seishirou grinned at him.

Subaru blinked, blushed, and lowered his eyes. "Better now, thank you."

"Any time." Came that purr that made Subaru's heart beat faster, and made him blush darker.

Hokuto bounded up to him, grasping his hands in her own. "Does that mean you are you again?" She asked hopefully.

Hope/fear/anger/grief/anger/jealousy/hope-

Subaru stared wide eyed at her, and carefully pulled his hands away from her, taking a step back from her. Those feelings had all come from her, all jumbled, but still hers. She was giving him a disappointed look now, but Subaru didn't take notice. He only just realised he was not wearing any gloves. He stared at the scars on the back of his hands. White and gleaming in the sun light from the windows. She was still talking at him, but he couldn't hear it. He reached out just one hand towards her, and she stopped talking, just eyed him with suspicion, while he felt the air around her.

fear/anger/grief/anger/jealousy/grief-

He blinked and pulled his hand away again, tilting his head to the side, feeling IT fade away. How strange. He hadn't felt anything like that with Seishirou. He wondered what Seishirou would feel like. Did he dare find out?

Subaru turned towards Seishirou who was now frowning at him. Subaru didn't like Seishirou frowning at him. He lowered his eyes to the polished floor boards, dropping his hands to the side. "I'm sorry." He breathed out, not really sure what he should be apologising for, but needing to do it anyway.

Then Seishirou was kneeling before him. "I have your gloves." It was gently said. Subaru obediently slipped his hands into the white satin, and it was instantly like someone had turned off a loud radio... that he hadn't realised was on. It almost made him lose his balance, the change was so unexpected.

"That was unusual." Subaru stared down at his hands.

"Not really." Seishirou told him, returning to his feet, keeping one hand on Subaru's shoulder. "I don't know about where you come from, but here you have a very strong empathy that you feel through your hands. All your gloves are specially warded to give you a rest from it all. I'm sorry, I completely forgot to give them back to you before the drugs wore off."

"I... thought it was because of the scars that I had to wear the gloves." Subaru whispered still staring at the gloves. "I... don't usually have that problem... where I come from. I have to really concentrate to do anything. Except with ghosts."

"Well, that answers THAT question." Came Hokuto's snarky remark.

Subaru looked over at her, frowning. "Why are you so..." he tried to think of a way of describing the jumble of feelings that had come from her. "upset?" He settled lamely on.

She gave him an incredulous look. "I WANT my BROTHER BACK!" She yelled.

"No you don't." Subaru said calmly, head tilted to the side, eyes going distant as he tried to remember those feelings of her. He missed her paling dramatically, and blinked as the door was slammed closed after she had run from the apartment. "Where'd she go?" He turned to Seishirou.

"She ran away."

"Why?"

"I think you told her something she didn't like the sound of. What did you mean that she didn't want her brother back?"

Subrau gave Seishirou a confused look. "That that wasn't why she was so upset. Why WERE you arguing?"

Seishirou smirked, and pulled Subaru close to nuzzle his ear. "She thought I had been having sex with you."

"WHAT?" Subaru stuttered, and went bright red where he stood. "But! But... you told her that wasn't true, right? Right?"

"Yes. But you know how Hokuto is. Now, would you like me to give you another massage?"

to be continued...


	9. Chapter 9

18 March 2012

Author's note. Some my guess that I don't particularly LIKE Hokuto. I have had Issues with her character and her behaviour since I was introduced to Tokyo Babylon. I personally think she was a very nasty and selfish piece of work. Just so you know.

Snapped

by Zuzanny

part 9

Hokuto stormed down the steps of the apartment building and took a sharp turn to the left onto the footpath, ignoring the cat-calls and wolf-whistles that as usual followed her where ever she went. She shoved some people out of her way that simply refused to move when they damned well should have seen her coming, and she also ignored their cries of anger directed back at her.

/Damn that imposter!/ She thought to herself. Damn him for saying such things about her. Of course she wanted her brother back! How dare he ever suggest otherwise. /It's not fair! It's so not fair!/

/No, It's not fair./ It was a darker portion of her mind talking. It was a voice that she often found she had to shove aside, but right now it had free reign. /It's NOT fair. You were born first, yet look at you. Always scurrying around pulling that brat out of trouble. Always having to clean up His mess. YOU should be the one who is next in line as head of the family, but you're not, HE is. He should be the one who has to give up his dreams to look after you, not the other way around. It's not fair, and it's all because he was born male and you weren't. Why couldn't he have died cleanly when IT happened? It's not fair! And Grandmother doesn't even care that it's NOT Subaru sitting behind those eyes./

She wiped the beginning of tears away from her eyes, now feeling incredibly guilty to be wishing such things upon her brother, wondering if in fact her brother HAD actually died in the city... And this imposter was now some evil spirit inhabiting his body planning on murdering them all in their sleep!

She had to snort at that thought. /Kind of ridiculous considering just who it is exactly he is sleeping with!/ Then she remembered the absolute horror and anguish in His eyes and how his voice cracked when He had said "You know what he is. You always knew, and then you let him kill you." Again she felt the guilt hit, and not because according to His crazed mind she had been murdered by Sei-chan... but if she were really honest with herself... He had been right. She knew what Sei-chan was almost from the first moment she had met him, but she said nothing. In fact she actively encouraged their relationship, and not because she could see Sei-chan needed desperately to love and be loved and that Subaru was the kind of person who would easily do the job (which he HAD done, and remarkably well.). But... if she were honest with herself...she had always kind of hoped and expected Seishirou to pick her brother as one of his targets to feed his beloved death-tree. Even now it astonished her that he hadn't.

/The Imposter knows who Seishirou is, and was horrified about Subaru's relationship with him./ She slowed her pace, still ignoring the leering people around her. Again his voice echoed in her mind "You know what he is. You always knew, and then you let him kill you."

/What if.../ She ended sitting on a bus stop bench, swinging her legs under it, not caring if her wings got crushed against the bus stop wall. /What if he IS Subaru, but from the future? I wonder why it is I would LET Sei-chan kill me? How could life possibly get so bad to have that be the best option?/ She curled her lip up in a snarky smile. /By how distressed The Imposter was over it... It will probably be SO worth it!/

_*_  
/Oh. My. God!/ Subaru's mind couldn't get over the mortification that was currently turning his entire body a very dark, tomato red. /Hokuto thinks Seishirou-san and I were-/ He couldn't even THINK the word. And here Seishirou-san was doing strange things to his ear, sending tingles all over his skin. /Hokuto thinks THAT even though Seishirou-san said it wasn't true!/ He wanted to curl up under a rock somewhere and die from embarrassment! And NOW Seishirou-san was asking permission to put those amazingly skilled fingers back on his body? To do those amazing THINGS that made him feel like he had melted into a pile of absolutely contented goo? And then, then, then? It was unthinkable. Subaru wondered if his blood pressure was high enough for him to stroke-out, or if the blood-nose-pressure-relief-valve actually existed?

So he did what came naturally to him when situations became too uncomfortable to deal with.

He pulled away and changed the subject.

"What are those?" He very deliberately asked, pointing at some photos and framed documents that were hung in neat rows on the wall.

Seishirou smirked in an indulgent way that said "I know exactly how and why you are changing the subject, but I'll let you because I find it highly amusing." But he turned to said documents and replied "That is your Bachelor's degree in Zoology, and your post graduate diploma in rural science."

Subaru's eyes almost fell out of his head. He stepped closer, reaching out to touch the frame of the picture that showed himself in an orange zip up jacket leaning against Seishirou, who was as usual dressed in a business suit, with blooming sakura trees obscuring the back ground. They were both smiling. The Subaru in the picture actually looked... happy, not a fake smile for everyone else who expected him to be happy no matter what, but genuine happiness. Subaru ran his fingers over the alien expression, feeling bewildered and heartsick for both versions of himself. "...So happy."

"This was your first day of work as a keeper at Ueno Zoo." Seishirou whispered, pressing in close to wrap his arms around Subaru, and rest his chin on the top of Subaru's head.

"Zoo keeper?" Subaru had to fight the sudden tears that threatened to blur his vision while he continued to run his fingers over the picture of his other self. He forced a smile to his own lips, but knew it would be nothing as bright and beautiful as the one captured in that image. "He got to live his dream? I long ago gave up on that. Is it wrong to be envious of myself?" Seishirou's arms tightened around him.

"What stopped you?" Seishirou's jaw moved against the top of Subaru's head at he spoke. It felt very strange, but the warmth at his back was nice, so he leaned back into the solid strength that Seishirou was.

"Life." Subaru replied honestly. "After you killed Hokuto, just living was hard enough let alone doing something like studying. I dropped out of school and did odd jobs to earn enough to get by, but I spent most of my time trying to track you and stay out of my family's way. Hokuto died because of me, what right do I have to be happy?"

Seishirou gave him a quick shake and spun him around, hands gripping Subaru's shoulders hard enough that there could be bruises later. "Enough of that." Seishirou ordered. "Your Hokuto was a selfish bitch to cast that spell, and That Seishirou was a filthy bastard that doesn't deserve your thoughts. They both chose to die instead of face the situations they were in. It is THEIR fault, NOT yours! You have the right to be happy!"

"How can I be happy when they are both DEAD?" Subaru yelled, pulling away from Seishirou to tug at his own hair, tears now falling down his face. "They're dead! They're dead!"

"We're not dead here." Seishirou said quietly, holding a hand out in offering to Subaru. Subaru stared first at the hand, then back to Seishirou's eyes in question. "What's stopping you?"

"I don't know a thing about Zoology."

"Your workplace knows you had something happen to your brain that has affected your memory."

"But-"

"We have all the text book and other resources here already. You could take the course again if you want. We sure have enough money sitting around that finances are not a problem."

"But I-"

Seishirou pierced him with a serious look. "Subaru. If you are given a second chance at your life to do the things you really wished you could have, don't throw it away." And he reached out his hand again. "Take my hand. I'll help you."

Slowly, trembling like he was icy cold, Subaru did.

To be continued...


	10. Chapter 10

16/03/2014 - 28/01/2018  
PLEASE NOTE! i have never been to Japan, all info about the locations mentioned here are from online research only, so i apologise in advance for any errors.

This chapter has been a long time brewing. I remember in about 2014 i read the article about the gorillas in the zoo that mutilated themselves, and the war history, and it grieved me so much. I could only imagine how much it would have grieved Subaru... And it got me wondering what he would do about it. And surely there would be ghosts all through the place. And given that the gorillas did all that stuff around 1999, he probably would have heard about it, and want to prevent it. I really wanted to get some real descriptions of the zoo in this, but i don't think i will ever actually go, even if i ever manage to make it to Japan one day. So this is more of a "what if Subaru DID manage to change at least a few things?".

Snapped  
By Zuzanny  
Chapter 10

(IntertLineBreakHere)  
Subaru ran his finger down the page, mouthing the words as he read. He was surprised at how familiar the concepts in the well-worn text book were. It should be impossible, as he had never actually even seen these books before, yet it was like a sense of deja-voux had settled upon him. It started off slowly, but by the third chapter, he realised he would know the content of the next sentence before he finished the current one being read. By the end of the third text book, he could simply look at the spines lined up on the shelf and know everything on every page. He turned wide eyes to Seishirou, who was standing in the door way smiling softly at him, his outline warmly lit by lamps in the lounge room behind him. Subaru had been in the study for hours, and it was now late afternoon. The smell of cooking drifted into the office, and Subaru's stomach growled loudly, much to his embarrassment. He felt his face heating up, and quickly turned back to the books on the desk in front of him.

"How can I know this?" Subaru had to admit that he was somewhat troubled by the amount of foreign knowledge suddenly floating around in his mind.

Seishirou just shrugged, then came over to squat beside him taking hold of Subaru's hand. Even through the glove Subaru could feel the heat in the man's palm, and the pressure of his fingertips that held firm, but not possessive in a scary way. Subaru realised there were different ways Seishirou's hands felt, how they were used, how much strength they exerted... All depending on how their owner was feeling at the time, and what job they were doing. Subaru shivered remembering how wonderful they had felt working the tension out of his neck and back before, and wondered if His Seishirou's hands would have felt the same? It hurt, really hurt, knowing he would never find out. "Maybe brain knowledge remains while souls shift? Who knows?" Subaru blinked forcing his mind to focus on the Seishirou currently with him. 

"Does that mean that your Subaru would have lost his memories, where ever he is?"

"Did you?"

Subaru frowned. "I don't think so. But will I remember all this later? If I ever get to go back again, I mean."

Seishirou sighed. "Do you really want to go back there?"

Subaru closed his eyes, his shoulders slumping. "No. Not really. But I don't belong here, I know that. And we don't know where your Subaru is right now. What if he has been captured and is in pain right now? What if he is desperately trying to get back, and can't because I am here in his body instead? What if my body died in the bridge collapse, and he died with it?"

Seishirou smiled and ruffled Subaru's hair affectionately. "So Subaru. Always thinking of others before yourself." Subaru blushed more and ducked his head away. He was going to say something more, but Seishirou stood and went to the book shelf to examine the books himself. "Subaru loves to read these books. I will often come home after work to find him re-reading them. Or new ones he brings home from the university book shop. He is there so often he actually gets a discount." He turned his head and grinned back at him. "Feeling adventurous?"

"Why?" Subaru drew it out, fighting back any more blushes, not sure if anything flirtatious was being implied or not, and if it were, would he be inclined to accept? He mentally slapped himself for automatically going there. Of course he wouldn't accept. Seishirou could flirt as much as he wanted, but he never really meant anything by it...

"After dinner, would you like to go to the Zoo with me?"

Subaru felt his heart leap.

(InsertLineBreakHere)  
The whirring sound of cicadas reached them before they came to the steps. Then it was like solid sound hitting Subaru in the chest. The air was alive with these creatures basking in the setting sun from their spots on the sakura trees that lined the walk way. Subaru didn't know why he hadn't noticed them all the other times he had come here. Seishirou smirked at him, and led him past the coi pond covered in water lilies and other water plants, past The Sakura (still blossoming pink), and to the entrance of the zoo. It had been years since Subaru had been to the zoo. He couldn't actually remember how old he would have been. It may have even been before he and Seishirou met the first time? He remembered he had loved the animals, but had felt... Immensely sad seeing them in their cages like that. It was what had inspired him to become a zookeeper actually. How ironic that h had never actually gone back.

They walked past the shrine and under the protective charms that hung across the entrance of the zoo, past the spirit houses lining either side of the path, and looked up, past the tall trees ahead. The old Lord's tower was quite impressive, and Subaru found himself wondering if anyone actually still lived there, or how it was now being used?

Seishirou linked his arm through his, and lead the way with a gentle "This way."

"B-but..." Subaru stuttered, feeling his face heat up at the contact. "what will people think?"

Seishirou scoffed, and pulled him closer. "Like I care what anyone else thinks, other than you are the cutest thing here, and that you are With Me."

"But what about your Subaru's reputation?"

Seishirou snickered. "My Subaru is quite satisfied with his reputation." It was purred out in a way that made Subaru shiver, wondering just what Seishirou actually meant, and dare he ask? Did he actually want to know? Subaru was caught up in visions of Public Displays of Affection, which possibly were mortifying and arousing at the same time, and only came out of it when Seishirou lead him to the side of one of the enclosures and knocked on the the Staff Only door. 

Very quickly the door was opened inwards by an older woman in a zoo worker's uniform. Her face lit up when she saw who was there, and she all but squealed in delight and ushered them inside. "Sumeragi-San, we were so concerned when we heard you were so very ill." She gushed, but keeping a respectful distance. "It's wonderful to see you back again so soon."

Subaru blinked at her, unsure how to respond. He could feel through his un-gloved hands that she was sincere. She was so happy he was back, but there was something else apart from just his own wellbeing she was thinking about. 

"Thank you very much Tatara-San." Seishirou responded in his stead, and by the way she accepted that, there seemed nothing unusual about it. "Unfortunately Subaru's memory has been effected, so please excuse him for... His gaps."

"Of course, of course." She smiled at him. "Just as well we have name tags. I suppose you are hoping that familiarising yourself with things you love would jog your memory?"

Subaru flicked his eyes to Seishirou before very slowly nodding at her. 

"Well, no problem. Would you like me to give you a tour, or would you like to wander around yourself?"

Again Subaru found himself checking with Seishirou, and unsure how to answer. He was feeling rather overwhemled to tell the truth.

Seishirou took pity on him. "How about we wander a bit, and see how we go?"

Tatara seemed happy enough with that, and even organised special visitor access badges. "Please make sure to drop by the gorilla enclosure. " Tatara told them. "I'm sure they have been missing you." Then still linked arm-in-arm, off they went.

(InsertLineBreakHere)  
Subaru was surprised to see enclosures with actual habitat conditions in them. The last time he had come to the zoo, there was barely more than bare cement floors and bars. It had thoroughly disturbed him then, and after researching other ways zoos were set up in other countries, it was one of the things he had wanted to change. Then life got in the way, and frankly he forgot all about the plight of the the animals in the face of his sister's murderer. 

Seishirou nudged his shoulder, somehow guessing where his thoughts had gone. "One of the first trips we took to the United States was so Subaru could study up on the conditions of the animals, and how to keep them... Happier. His natural empathy told him right away the animals here were depressed, especially the gorillas, and he wanted to help them. Thankfully the Sumeragi Clan is well respected, and the Zoo was willing to indulge. Happier animals has also lead to more baby animals, which brings in higher profits, which i am sure helped."

The animals were happier, Subaru could feel it. But they were not perfectly happy. There was still an inner... Something, like an itch, especially with the ones born free, demanding to be set free, to run in wide tall grasslands and swing through tall forrest. He could feel it waring with the acceptance of regular food that was fairly easy to find. The captive born animals were quieter in that regard, but it actually felt like there were missing something, some kind of spark of who they were meant to be. They would never know what it would be like to be free. And any stories passed down the generations would fade and have no meaning... 

The sudden wave of intense grief/horror/desperation/terror/helpmehelpmehelpmeletmeout hit him hard enough to knock him sideways into Seishirou. Seishirou's grip on his arm tightened and was the only thing that stopped him from collapsing to the ground in a heap. Seishirou pulled him firmly into his arms and dragged him a few steps away from that spot.

"I was wondering if that would still effect you." Seishirou murmured against his neck.

"What the hell was that?" Subaru finally gathered back his equilibrium and stepped back from Seishirou's body. Seishrious still had a grip on both his arms though, and didn't seem inclined to let go. Subaru ignored that, turning his head to look back at the spot. The path they were on was solid cement, surrounded by enclosures that were much more up to date than Subaru remembered, and were beautified with plants. "That almost felt like a ghost!"

"Yes." 

"One who suffered a cruel, prolonged, painful death!"

"Yes."

Subaru turned back to Seishirou, demanding an explanation with just his eyes.

"This zoo is very old." Seishirou slowly said, as though that explained everything. Subaru's eyes narrowed. "Japan was at war." 

"Just tell me." Subaru ordered. "Who was she? She doesn't feel human. What happened, and why she is still haunting this place?"

"She was an elephant." Seishirou allowed Subaru to draw him back close to the very edge of the haunting. Subaru reached out with one hand, just to where to buzz of horror started. "During the war it was decided the animals in the zoo were too dangerous if they escaped. So orders were given to kill them."

Subaru turned shocked eyes back to Seishirou. "What?!"

"So some animals were poisoned. But not all of them. Not this lady. She was left to starve to death. People would still come see her, and she would perform tricks for peanuts. But it was not enough. It took her a long time to die."

Tears filled Subaru's eyes, and he curled in on himself with a low moan. "She didn't deserve that. None of them deserved that."

"The zoo tried demolishing and rebuilding the enclosure to cover up the past, but too many strange things kept happening in this space."

"Because she's still here!" Subaru insisted. "Why is she still here? If your Subaru could feel THIS, why hasn't he helped her move on?"

"Because he couldn't. He is a powerful empath, but has no giftings in [spirit magic]. None of the exorcists we have tried out were strong enough. And she is just one of many here."

"Not even you?"

Seishirou chuckled. "The Sakura grants me many powers, but she is not interested in consuming ghosts of the long dead. She demands fresh kill, and prefers human flesh."

"Fair enough."

"Subaru did try to appease her, and the others. She used to terrorise this place before he came. Over there in the garden is a shrine dedicated to her." Subaru looked to where Seishirou pointed and saw the shrine built of rock amongst the huge-leafed plants. Elephant ears he vaguely recalled them being called. There were flowers, fruit and peanut shells on an offering plate. "There is even a plague. Subaru insisted the animals all be remembered. The ghosts have been far more settled since he came."

Subaru nodded his head slowly, acknowledging the attempt. "She's still not free though." He whispered. "I need to free her. I need to free them all."

"Subaru, there are hundreds of ghosts here."

"That won't stop me. I will find them, and i will free them."

To be continued...


End file.
